Running Waters

γειά σου,

So I feel like it's been a really long time since I have written last. I feel that, which is kind of cool that I find this therapeutic and desirable. It has been a while because I have been up to my eyes in schoolwork. I have two papers, totaling about 15 pages due on Thursday in the same class. Yeah. It sucks. But I'm writing this to leave that behind, if not for a second. So I don't want to talk about it. I'm done.

What I really want to talk about is how awesome my weekend was. I went to Orlando and saw lots of my friends from Columbus because one of them was getting married there. It was so great to see everyone and to spend time with people from home, who are laid back, friendly, and love each other. Words really can't describe how great it was to be with them, especially since my life is upside down with school currently. With all that being said, congratulations Chris and Amanda Rule!

One thing that really stuck with me when I was going to Orlando was the thrill of moving. It sounds weird, but I have really been in West Palm for at least 1.5 years, with maybe a month of Columbus shoved in there. I have felt stagnate and stale. It was so good to get in a car and to drive. I travel, to explore. I had directions with me to get their, but honestly I didn't look at them because I didn't care if I got lost. I was actually for it. I was good to be on the road; it made me feel like I was doing something, living, experiencing something. I don't know, maybe this all sounds a little crazy, I mean it was just a 3 hour car ride. But to me, it was hitting the open road. Great weather, my iPod playing great songs I had a gatorade and some bananas' (which became my dinner). It was great.

Often in the Bible moving waters, running waters, and water in general, is a symbol for chaos. For instance, in Genesis, the waters hovered above the earth, chaos was held back. For Noah, the water brought chaos. You see this used the most with the psalmist. Ps. 23, you lead me besides quiet waters (no chaos), ps. 29:3, The voice of the LORD is over the waters (over chaos); the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the might waters. When it talks about quiet waters, it is talking about peace, tranquility, usually inspired by God.

I understand this. My life has been raging waters, splashing in my face left and right. Right when I start to focus on something the waters get rough and life becomes unpredictable and chaotic. I have a hard time staying afloat.

Driving in the car calmed the waters. I enjoyed the adventure, I enjoyed the calmness that was in me. Everyone likes life when it flows and seems effortless. I even prefer some rapids every now and then to keep things interesting. But after a few months of rapids (aka school craziness), it was nice to just drift down stream for a while.

My 2 cents:

song:

The Great Estate by Freelance Whales (great song, kinda built around reincarnation but good)

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Empathy

Hey,

Last night was kinda crazy for me. I learned that a friend of mine from high school has cancer. Not only is that crazy but the fact that he is younger than me, just makes me sit back and shake my head in disbelief.

I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but earlier this year I found out that a friend from here also had cancer. He had brain cancer, a tumor the size of a golf ball pushing against his pituitary gland, most likely causing his recent onset of diabetes, sweaty hands and clubbed fingers. A few months ago he had a very risky (what brain surgery isn't) two part surgery to get rid of the tumor. By the grace of God it went very well. He has been doing great and the second part of his surgery comes up in about a week, which is both nerve racking and also exciting that after this surgery he should be tumor free!

It still strikes me as bizarre though that these things happen. As cliché as it is, it's like how you never expect those things to happen to you. The same I think goes for people you know. It happens to people on t.v. or in the newspaper or someplace, somewhere, far, far away.

While thinking about this I am confronted with my sinful nature. By this I mean that in the past month, a person I know from school started selling shirts that say "Cancer Sucks" and the profits are going to a friend of his, who is also battling cancer. To be honest, for the most part, I see them selling those shirts and I walk by and think "well that's nice" and move on. Almost as if I have amnesia and I forget that I have a friend who just had a tumor removed from his head.

When I heard the news last night, I wanted to do something, and it made me sad to think that I wasn't motivated to help their cause because I didn't have the empathy in my heart.

In systematic Theology, we learned one day about the consequences of sin. They try and boil down the consequences of sin to four categories: 1.Depravity 2. Enslavement 3. Condemnation and finally 4. Alienation. I think the most damage is done in the latter. For instance, my heart was/is concerned about me, and if we want to be gracious it's concerned about the people I know. I alienated it to not feel for people selling caner sucks tee shirts on the green on campus. I don't know the person, and I don't have cancer, why should I get involved? Why should I give?

It breaks my heart that I don't heart for others sometimes. "break my heart for what breaks yours" is a great line from a song that says exactly what I want to change in my life. It's not that I have no empathy, because I feel for the homeless and poor, and people in war and war torn area's. But for some reason, this seemed distant.

My prayer is not that I/we would give money and buy a shirt, because I don't think that's the point and I think it's short sighted (though not bad, don't get me wrong), but that I/we would give our hearts to those in pain, and to see someone and to feel with them, not for them, but with them. The best remedy for this is prayer. Stand in their shoes before God and pray on their behalf. That's the real solution. Pray that God would give us, them, and others perspective. Pray that they we/they would be loved and comforted and that we could be the instrument that brings that.

My 2 cents:

How Deep the Father's Love for Us:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Something clever

привет,

So, I was thinking about what to name this post, and I couldn't come up with anything funny and clever or witty that would grab my 2 readers attention. For some reason all I could think of was Admiral Ackbar famous line. If you don't know who or what that is, it's because you're not a dork like me. Or quiet possibly you are just like my roommates and are jealous of my ability to recall some of the greatest movies of the movies of the 90's. Anyway, to some extent I also feel bad for my 2 readers because I think very slowly. I tend to sit on things and process them and that usually takes months. What that means for you is that you have to read about the same issues for about a month at a time and that can be kinda boring since I usually flesh things out and don't write anything too crazy or life changing. Not to mention i'm not very good with words and explaining things so usually I just end up sounding like an idiot.

Anyway, back to Admiral Ackbar.

I feel trapped. I want to graduate and explore and travel and roam and climb mountains and see friends overseas and family and do what I consider to being "living". Yet the world wants me to get a job, get serious about bills and making ends meet and money, and maybe if you're lucky settling down with a girl. This is the case with most Universities and PBA is not an exception. I know at least 10 couples off the top of my head that are married and between the age of 19 and 22. I know 4 that have gotten married in the past 6 months. I know many have plans for right after they graduate, whether it's working in and with a church or going into the business world; they are already set. They have it all planned out, graduate, get that job, get married to finance within 6 months of job. Life after that is on auto-pilot, do that job thing for a few years, get a raise, go to the Christmas party with the co-workers, everyone brings their wives of course. Maybe if you are lucky, show off some pictures of the kids (who are most likely honors students and you have a bumper sticker on your Honda odyssey to prove it.)

That's not what I want. I want to live and explore. As John Muir once wrote: "the mountains are calling and I must go". It's for this reason I want to be a paramedic working out of a hospital: rewarding job that isn't in an office and typical, I save lives and get down and dirty doing it sometimes, and I have days off at a time to do things that I love.

I would be totally fine with be a waiter or dish washer to make ends meet, while saving for my next trip. Living basically trip to trip. Climb to climb. Yet I'm bogged down with expectations of meeting this preset path, and being forced to worry about loans. I'm convinced that's not how life is supposed to be lived. To me that preset path isn't even considered living.

To be honest, the hardest part about this path is that it's lonely. Part of that is appealing to me. Being alone in the mountains and being able to stand in awe and wonder of creation, yet a part of that means living uncomfortably for 99.673% of the human population, which means I would be hard pressed to find company in my adventures. Part of that is settling down. I recently had a conversation with a friend about why we are single (I know, back to girls, what else is new). I came to the conclusion that I simply came to the wrong University to find girls with my interests and passions. This university attracts people who are worried about the beach bod, tan and looking cute. A cousin to the GTL way of living my friends from jersey live. But the other part of the conclusion is that not many people are up for that way of living, and most people who live like that find someone once they settle down and become domesticated and get a real job. The conversation came up because he said he wanted to do an experiment about why middle class men are so lame. I couldn't agree more.

All this to say: Admire Ackbar couldn't be closer to the truth. It's a trap. At least in my book. For most people I suppose finding Jesus in the way I want to live would be miserable and extremely difficult, and I would say the same about the preset path. I would have no idea how or where to find Jesus in their. I don't picture him wearing suits everyday. Though I don't see him camping alone either.

Thanks for trying to enjoy my thoughts and ramblings. Not all who wander are lost.

My 2 cents:

The Imitation of Christ book 2 chapter 11 (the first few sentences alone could challenge you every time you read them) by Thomas A Kempis

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.

Green Eyes

Ahoj,

This song has just been on my mind lately, I love it dearly and think it's a fantastic song.

Green Eyes by Coldplay

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I came here to talk
I hope you understand
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you

And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind

Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you

Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you

Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh [x4]

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.