Thursday, February 21, 2008
Brazil
Well I will be heading to Manaus Brazil in about a week. It's crazy to think that it's coming that soon, but I am ready for it and wanting it to come. I can't wait to get away from my crazy life right now with failing school, lacrosse sucking up my life and whatnot. i can't wait to just unplug and go down a river and hang out with kids. I can't wait. It will be so awesome and the team, especially the guys are so awesome and I've gotten to know them really well. I can't wait, please pray for that. I still have some letters to send out, I need to get on that I know, but I need to write another letter and that is intimidating so I put it off. But I will. Please pray for the trip, the members, me, the kids, and the safety of the people, that we don't get sick with anything while were there. Thanks!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Promises
Hebrews 13:5b: "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Romans 8: 35, 38-39, 1: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Lately the weather in West Palm Beach has been, well let’s just say way below par. From Tuesday to Wednesday if I looked out my window it looked like there was a waterfall outside my window. There was even a tornado watch Tuesday night. So I have had a lot of time inside to dink around and just think. No my roommate smokes the occasionally and so he has lighters lying around. Now since I collect them I have a few myself and we would always play with them and I always found it interesting just to look at fire and watch it work and just watch what it does. Now Tony and my other friends, when they see a lighter they start to burn things, paper, forks, really whatever is around. This makes me slightly aggravated because the room starts to smell awful. But lately I have been wondering about their obsession with burning things and how I don't know why you would because the results are mostly all bad. A burned paper is: useless, smelly, messing and the only good thing is how big and cool the fire gets, but it's so temporary compared to turning up your lighter to full blast and you can hold that flame for as long as you want. It's safe, contained and doesn't have any of the bad side effects.
Now to my point. I think lately my actions in life have been identical to my friend’s actions in burning things in my room. They have been extremely temporary and have left horrible side effects on my areas of my life. Like my friends, I feel like I have rushed into this semester, seeing a lighter and I just start to light things on fire, not thinking about others, myself or what God really wants for me. It's been a struggle for this semester for sure. Just getting into God's word and spending time to just sit and communion with Him in prayer has been really difficult because I have been busy burning things. I'm holding on to those promises though and it has been such an encouragement to me. Last night I was so angry at myself for getting distracted from such a great Father, and I was so angry at so many things in my life. I felt so alone and begged God to show me that He never leaved me and never forsaken me. I begged Him to hold me close and to draw me close to His heart so we could breathe together and live together again. He did, and after at least 30 minutes of being angry and upset, I was asleep with minutes of praying that and feeling God draw me close and feeling His peace "which transcends all understanding" guarded my heart and my mind (Phil. 4:7).
God is so good, I know in the mist of my pain and anger and frustration and busyness of life that He is good and here. Some of the verses I have memorized have helped: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." "My heart says of you 'seek His face!' Your face Lord, I will seek." "I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (earth). Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Psalms 25:16,17 ; 27:8 ; 27: 13,14
Romans 8: 35, 38-39, 1: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Lately the weather in West Palm Beach has been, well let’s just say way below par. From Tuesday to Wednesday if I looked out my window it looked like there was a waterfall outside my window. There was even a tornado watch Tuesday night. So I have had a lot of time inside to dink around and just think. No my roommate smokes the occasionally and so he has lighters lying around. Now since I collect them I have a few myself and we would always play with them and I always found it interesting just to look at fire and watch it work and just watch what it does. Now Tony and my other friends, when they see a lighter they start to burn things, paper, forks, really whatever is around. This makes me slightly aggravated because the room starts to smell awful. But lately I have been wondering about their obsession with burning things and how I don't know why you would because the results are mostly all bad. A burned paper is: useless, smelly, messing and the only good thing is how big and cool the fire gets, but it's so temporary compared to turning up your lighter to full blast and you can hold that flame for as long as you want. It's safe, contained and doesn't have any of the bad side effects.
Now to my point. I think lately my actions in life have been identical to my friend’s actions in burning things in my room. They have been extremely temporary and have left horrible side effects on my areas of my life. Like my friends, I feel like I have rushed into this semester, seeing a lighter and I just start to light things on fire, not thinking about others, myself or what God really wants for me. It's been a struggle for this semester for sure. Just getting into God's word and spending time to just sit and communion with Him in prayer has been really difficult because I have been busy burning things. I'm holding on to those promises though and it has been such an encouragement to me. Last night I was so angry at myself for getting distracted from such a great Father, and I was so angry at so many things in my life. I felt so alone and begged God to show me that He never leaved me and never forsaken me. I begged Him to hold me close and to draw me close to His heart so we could breathe together and live together again. He did, and after at least 30 minutes of being angry and upset, I was asleep with minutes of praying that and feeling God draw me close and feeling His peace "which transcends all understanding" guarded my heart and my mind (Phil. 4:7).
God is so good, I know in the mist of my pain and anger and frustration and busyness of life that He is good and here. Some of the verses I have memorized have helped: "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." "My heart says of you 'seek His face!' Your face Lord, I will seek." "I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (earth). Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Psalms 25:16,17 ; 27:8 ; 27: 13,14
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Journal Excerpt
Ps 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want."
Lord, draw near to me; because i feel incapable to draw to you. My actions & mouth drive me further from you as my heart longs to be closer. Because of this desire (if through my lack of action you can call it that) I make promises to you that I struggle to keep. Promises that David said, so I feel like I can too. Like "this earth has nothing I desire but you" and "the LORD is my shepherd I shall not want". Lord i know the intensity of those prayers, yet i just say them, almost to make my heart mean it instead of my heart meaning it first. Or maybe I want you to be proud of me. I want you to know that I love you even when I don't always show it. That I'm trying my best to love you and it's just so hard right now & I don't know why. Yet LORD, I know it's just my unbelief, the same that tackled Adam & Eve in the garden. Your Word says you couldn't love me more. I just don't believe that all the time. And the scary part is I don't know what you'd have to do to prove it! Was your son not enough!! What a sad statement to think. That what your son, my savior, did on the cross was not enough to show me you care & that you want a deep relationship with me.
LORD, open my eyes so I may see & say "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost, but now i'm found, was blind but now I see" or "How deep the Fathers love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure. Why should I gain from His reward? I can not give an answer, but this I know with all my heart, His wounds have pain my ransom." LORD, show me how to increase my faith. I want a faith that rocks a world but only glorifies You beacuse You know I've done nothing even close of earning any but judgement from you. I just want the mindset to constantly think of you so when you come I can sing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God almight" with all the angels & hear my Father say "well done, good & faithful servant!". "I love you LORD and I lift my voice to worship you, o my soul rejoice", "for it is well, it is well with my soul." LORD I know I amke you proud, please help me to live like I know that. Please help me to know your Word, and to pray like I know you will answer. Not to pray because it sounds good to your ear. Help me mean Psalms 23:1, help me live like it's true in my life. Open my heart and eyes so that I may see. Thank you LORD
Lord, draw near to me; because i feel incapable to draw to you. My actions & mouth drive me further from you as my heart longs to be closer. Because of this desire (if through my lack of action you can call it that) I make promises to you that I struggle to keep. Promises that David said, so I feel like I can too. Like "this earth has nothing I desire but you" and "the LORD is my shepherd I shall not want". Lord i know the intensity of those prayers, yet i just say them, almost to make my heart mean it instead of my heart meaning it first. Or maybe I want you to be proud of me. I want you to know that I love you even when I don't always show it. That I'm trying my best to love you and it's just so hard right now & I don't know why. Yet LORD, I know it's just my unbelief, the same that tackled Adam & Eve in the garden. Your Word says you couldn't love me more. I just don't believe that all the time. And the scary part is I don't know what you'd have to do to prove it! Was your son not enough!! What a sad statement to think. That what your son, my savior, did on the cross was not enough to show me you care & that you want a deep relationship with me.
LORD, open my eyes so I may see & say "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost, but now i'm found, was blind but now I see" or "How deep the Fathers love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure. Why should I gain from His reward? I can not give an answer, but this I know with all my heart, His wounds have pain my ransom." LORD, show me how to increase my faith. I want a faith that rocks a world but only glorifies You beacuse You know I've done nothing even close of earning any but judgement from you. I just want the mindset to constantly think of you so when you come I can sing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God almight" with all the angels & hear my Father say "well done, good & faithful servant!". "I love you LORD and I lift my voice to worship you, o my soul rejoice", "for it is well, it is well with my soul." LORD I know I amke you proud, please help me to live like I know that. Please help me to know your Word, and to pray like I know you will answer. Not to pray because it sounds good to your ear. Help me mean Psalms 23:1, help me live like it's true in my life. Open my heart and eyes so that I may see. Thank you LORD
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