Why We Hide

Ciao,

(ps, if some of this doesn't make sense, it's because I wrote it at 2 am. my apologies)

I don't know. This might seem weird to some of you that read this. Over the past 7 months I have been studying Micro-expressions. These are expressions on the face that cannot be controlled, only concealed slightly if you try hard. The more emotional or unstable the person is, the more likely these will leak when they are trying to be concealed. Their are seven universal emotions that people show: anger, happiness, sadness, contempt, surprise, fear, and disgust. When someone says one thing and the micro expression shows another, that person is trying to deceive you, or is lying to you about how they feel. There are three main area's to look at when you are looking for these expressions: the area of the eyes (eyelids, the outside part of the eyes, and eyebrows), the nose, and the mouth.

Why am I telling you this? Well not only have I been studying it on my own for a few months, but I have been studying them academically and very in depth for about 4 months now. I have been doing experiments on PBA students through the school for a psychology class, and have even won a grant from the school to present my findings at the APA (American Psychological Association) conference in Washington D.C. in May. It truly is an honor, privliage and blessing for that to happen to me. I feel like it has been a rather simple and enjoyable process, (though very time consuming) because I enjoy it, so it does not seem that my work would render such a reward, because it did not seem like much work.

Again, why am I telling you this. Well I wanted to give you a lesson. If you are not up to date with the college football world. Cam Newton is all the rage. He is a one of a kind athlete and has done great things on the football field for Auburn this year. Meanwhile, his father has been attracting lots of attention off the field. Cecil Newton, apparently, was involved with a pay-to-play scandal with a recruiting agency to have his son play for another university for cash up front. This is highly illegal and if it was ever brought to light that Cam Newton knew about this and played any part, he would be ineligible to win the heisman trophy, which at this point, he is almost assuredly going to do. His father, knowing the controversy around this, has decided to not go to the heisman ceremony this saturday to support his son, thinking it would cause to much drama. He will not attend the ceremony of his son winning what may be the most coveted college sports trophy. During an interview for ESPN, he is asked how he feels about this, and his face during the last 20 seconds screams sadness. But their is an interesting moment at 2:27 where he says he is his father and he will stand by his decision, and he flashes disgust in his nose and mouth. So check it out for yourself. 2:27

The important thing about micro-expressions is that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Yes, he could be disgusted with his father, or he could be disgusted at what his father did, or both. We only know that he was disgusted, and we have a context of what it could be, but we can't know for sure (without further questioning).

I bring this up because I find it interesting what people hide, and what may be more interesting is why this hide, behind a fake smile or joke or whatever it may be. I originally Dr. Paul Ekman's book to discover lies. In his book "Emotions Revealed", he discusses the seven emotions, and has about 20 pages on lying. The book is about seeing these in others, and more importantly, seeing them in yourself. It is about understanding emotions and where they come from and what they mean. The book is fascinating, especially someone like myself who doesn't consider himself to be very expressive outwardly.

Since that book I often see these micro-expressions in others, in the news, walking down the street, talking to friends, and often find I am doing something to my face, only to find that I was feeling an emotion I wasn't aware of. This could be because I couldn't put my finger on the name of it, or that I simply wasn't aware (some emotions, like anger, have a way of creeping up on us and even escalating quickly without us even knowing until someone mentions we are upset.)

As I see them I am fascinated why we cover up. Why we don't want the world to see our pain, our sadness, our anger or our disgust. I felt ashamed when I realized I answered a question in a Psychology class that no one else knew and noticed that my face was showing contempt, that I did not realize until I noticed it on my face. I felt ashamed that I felt better than people, or above them for answering a question. I think people think it makes us more enjoyable to be around, if we act as it's okay. Or maybe it's a name-it-and-claim-it kind of attitude. If I simply say or act I feel this way, it will go away.

I wrote a paper in high school, I was a junior at the time; yet, I remember the paper very distinctively. To this day I consider it to be my best and most profound paper. We had just studied some major psychologist and we were told to come up with our own theory on what makes people run, what were they after in life. My answer: people desperately want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. I think we so badly want people to fully know us and understand us, yet we think that if they know to much, and see to much of the crap and filth and muck and sin if you want to call it that, then they will run away, and not accept us. This, in return, would be one of the most painful experiences we could experience, to be made completely vulnerable, and then rejected. So we put a facade, a mask, where we can let bits out, but stay in control of certain things, certain feelings, and certain experiences that might keep people away. We conceal them and seem normal so that they will stay around. We want that closeness but fear it's consequences if rejected. Some people have been bold enough to be vulnerable and have maybe even, sadly, learned through experience that others will not accept that part of them. I understand this dilemma to be the classic situation in which a guy likes a girl, with whom he is great friends with, but does not know if she likes him back (which is why we talk to the best friend to give us the scoop and down low before doing anything, so we can know the result). They are stuck in this situation where they could not say something, and wonder what if, and not risk losing what they have, or put themselves out there and have a chance of being accepted and the feeling reciprocated. Or they could reject it, and the friendship would then change, losing almost everything. I find that this example, though expressing the dilemma, does not express the magnitude. I'm not just talking about feelings. I'm talking about secrets, issues, problems, stories. Things we try to forget.

We want to be completely and fully known, and still loved. This is God's relationship with us, and it's the reason I find my relationship with God so incredibly special and important to me. But it's my theory as to why we hide, and why we lie, and why we take chances to be known. I think there is a lesson to be learned here but I don't want to sound like that was the point of this. We need to love, we need to know what love means first, and the sacrifices, risks, and vulnerably it demands of us. We need to open up to each other, experience what it is like to be loved and to demonstrate that to others back. I truly believe this love would change the world. It changes the lives of those who have found it in Jesus, so why wouldn't it if we could replicate that to others? To those whose experiences have said otherwise, and those who don't just hide behind lies and smiles, but drugs, alcohols, girls, boys, popularity, humor, sports, money, self-image, or sarcasm. You cannot experience this type of love and not change. You cannot experience this type of love and not then seek out to share it with others.

I know this was a super long little tidbit, and it was kinda super serious and deep. But it has been churning in my heart for awhile now, maybe even years. I just thought I would share it, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Vivre dans l'amour et la paix,

drew

Il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé.